During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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