So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
