Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
