Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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