Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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