Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
