Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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