I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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