he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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