it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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