Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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