Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
