I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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