I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
