My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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