Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
