i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
