I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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