what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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