I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
