hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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