I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
