please come you make the beer taste better
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
