hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
