I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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