She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
