I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
