the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
