don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
