I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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