No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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