if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
