something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
