Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
