he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
