We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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