Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
