How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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