You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
