Well douche your snatch and let's go!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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