he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
