Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
3pm strippers are depressing
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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