Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
