Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
