peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
