gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
