hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
