i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
