Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
