If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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