I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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