Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
