So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
