rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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