why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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