Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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