Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
