Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
