Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize