i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
