she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You're like the curious george of whores
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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