i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type