I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.