I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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