I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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