Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
