i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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