so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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