I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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