Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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