Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize