brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
