how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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