I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
