there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
