My nipple is on Facebook.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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