Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
