So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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