He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
