Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize